Monday, February 14, 2011

The LGBT Community

I'm reblogging a post from Sono E. Anderson-Kei's tumblr because it sums up my opinion on this matter entirely, and it's an issue that I feel very strongly about. She was even kind enough to write an extra paragraph specifically for me to publish here when I asked her permission to reprint her post.

The original post this is responding to can be found here:

This is what Sono had to say in response:

Hey, LGBT community. Stop telling me I don’t understand any of this. Just stop. Just because I happen to identify as female, have a vagina, and like men (Though I also like women. I am bisexual.) doesn’t mean I don’t understand. I do. And I sympathize with you. I really do. I know you guys struggle, and that the odds are stacked against you. I know that some people don’t like you for one small aspect of your lives that doesn’t define your whole personality, and that it is totally bullshit to have to deal with that kind of thing.

But many of those things you mentioned? They don’t just apply to sexuality. I have some things not related to my sexuality or my gender that I am deeply deeply closeted about. That maybe two or three people in my life know about. None of those people are my family. I know shame, I know fear, and I know insult.

These things you mentioned, are things I go through too. And my support community? It’s practically non-existent. There’s a few of us scattered around the internet. My community’s voice is barely above a whisper, if anything at all.

I crossdress. Not frequently anymore after an incident in which someone (without my permission or any sort of warning) tried to pull off my clothes to see how I'd bound myself. But it's something that I do. When I do, I am not recognizable as female. I take pride in this. The first time someone refered to me as "him" I was overjoyed. I know that members of the LGBT community crossdress, and that they do it in order to represent themselves as the gender they consider themself to be, regardless of biology. This is not why I do it. As I mentioned, I identify as female, and I am biologically female.

I crossdress as a coping mechanism.

I do not crossdress to be seen as male, and not to try to experience life as a male would. I do it because sometimes it is so PAINFUL to be me, that I need to be someone else. It is why I started costuming, and why I almost immediately began taking on male costumes. I'm finally at a point where I can take on female costumes as well. Many of the reasons I need a coping mechanism are the things that I'm so deeply in the closet about.

This is something I’ve had building up in me for months now, pretty much every time I see a post like this, because I’m getting pretty tired of being told that I “can’t understand” the problems of the LGBT community since I’m mostly outside of it, even though I would suffer the same things for a different reason if I came out.

Can we also get rid of the term "cisgendered"? Please? I'm a WOMAN. I deserve to be called one. If someone identifies as a woman and wants to be called one, I'll call them one regardless of what's in their pants. Whatever someone wants to be called, that's what I'll call them, but I think I deserve the same. I thought the LGBT community wanted to get AWAY from labels, not start making up more.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand, not all of us are totally oblivious, okay? Please stop assuming we are. If you want us to stop lumping you all in together, then you need to stop lumping us all in together.

I know this is an unpopular opinion. I know I’ll probably lose followers for it, and maybe lose friends. But if everyone else on the internet is allowed to express their opinions then so am I.

While our situations may not be exactly the same, I agree with everything she's written here 100%. I am an openly bisexual man and I do not consider myself part of any sort of "community" precisely because I do not agree with the labeling and segregation such support networks can lead to. I think this is a very touchy and contentious issue, and I am very glad that there is someone else whose opinion coincides so exactly with my own.
Sono's original tumblr post can be found here:

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